I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
