doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
