i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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