You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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