In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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