he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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