I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
