THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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