There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
