I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business