I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.