Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.

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  (401): My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study. http://tfl.nu/037f
  Replies (17) Good night (2432) Bad night (614)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

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  (757): this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial http://tfl.nu/3bm0
  Replies (11) Good night (649) Bad night (3804)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (5146) Bad night (1183)
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  (516): View more from New York

  please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.

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  (516): please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself. http://tfl.nu/xysw
  Replies (6) Good night (676) Bad night (4469)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.

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  (908): he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me. http://tfl.nu/x367
  Replies (16) Good night (4629) Bad night (3563)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"

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  (814): He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind" http://tfl.nu/73d5
  Replies (14) Good night (2893) Bad night (847)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical

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  (360): i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical http://tfl.nu/7e1z
  Replies (7) Good night (4274) Bad night (858)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid

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  (801): He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid http://tfl.nu/81ik
  Replies (15) Good night (2076) Bad night (852)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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  (412): But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life http://tfl.nu/sdyc
  Replies (5) Good night (1080) Bad night (495)
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  (916): View more from California

  Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold

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  (916): Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold http://tfl.nu/79ln
  Replies (14) Good night (804) Bad night (1389)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.

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  (907): You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools. (1-907): That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day. http://tfl.nu/rl6v
  Replies (5) Good night (1512) Bad night (378)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.

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  (541): He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans (503): Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants. http://tfl.nu/h1iw
  Replies (7) Good night (1356) Bad night (369)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

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  (865): I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday. http://tfl.nu/q5oo
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (331)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless

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  (910): like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless http://tfl.nu/zehw
  Replies (3) Good night (432) Bad night (204)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers

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  (206): Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers http://tfl.nu/6qq2
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (253)

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