I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
