you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
