He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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