i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
