We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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