i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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