I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
