How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
