maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
