How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
