tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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