he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
