I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
