We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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