i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
