Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
