dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
