I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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