I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
