Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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