hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
