my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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