3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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