oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just tell him i said nine months
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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