your parents love me but you hate me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
