i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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