I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
