So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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