Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
