Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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