Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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