OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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