I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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