Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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