By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
