he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
