I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
