I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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