How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick