Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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  (802): Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami." http://tfl.nu/q4af
  Replies (17) Good night (576) Bad night (3786)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass

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  (303): i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass http://tfl.nu/z36r
  Replies (76) Good night (620) Bad night (4843) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text

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  (508): I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text http://tfl.nu/al36
  Replies (7) Good night (495) Bad night (3156) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.

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  (970): totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off. http://tfl.nu/qavz
  Replies (34) Good night (6646) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat

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  (865): i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat http://tfl.nu/yw7h
  Replies (14) Good night (1048) Bad night (4760) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

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  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (1009) Bad night (4198) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same

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  (810): I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same http://tfl.nu/4oc8
  Replies (6) Good night (2407) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.

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  (214): The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship. http://tfl.nu/tn77
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (505): I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy. (703): OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/zfcv
  Replies (1) Good night (1899) Bad night (413)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me

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  (864): So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me http://tfl.nu/4trs
  Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She's the worst person, but the best naked person

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  (248): She's the worst person, but the best naked person http://tfl.nu/e5d7
  Replies (7) Good night (1596) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change

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  (702): This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change http://tfl.nu/0eyu
  Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (251)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances

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  (775): He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances http://tfl.nu/ldl8
  Replies (14) Good night (470) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for

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  (410): Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something. (443): *jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for http://tfl.nu/ud0q
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (246)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.

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  (775): Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure. http://tfl.nu/5ngb
  Replies (5) Good night (539) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt

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