I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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