Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.

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(972): So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale. http://tfl.nu/iff3

Replies (26) Good night (696) Bad night (3729)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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(507): I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it. http://tfl.nu/rt4x

Replies (7) Good night (3794) Bad night (864)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

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(319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0

Replies (34) Good night (26080) Bad night (2078)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"

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(336): He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth" http://tfl.nu/505h

Replies (11) Good night (3783) Bad night (2260)
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(678): View more from Georgia

As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.

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(678): As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off. http://tfl.nu/2oau

Replies (3) Good night (2918) Bad night (859)
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(951): View more from California

Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.

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(951): Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other. http://tfl.nu/32su

Replies (10) Good night (2179) Bad night (914)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!

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(701): Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice! http://tfl.nu/fa1l

Replies (7) Good night (3316) Bad night (726)
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(404): View more from Georgia

You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.

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(404): You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control. http://tfl.nu/g1ps

Replies (9) Good night (1805) Bad night (2619)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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(252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw

Replies (1) Good night (1313) Bad night (680)
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(360): View more from Washington

So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.

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(360): So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five. http://tfl.nu/vwra

Replies (8) Good night (2616) Bad night (963)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.

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(910): Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad. http://tfl.nu/mvcz

Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (1052)
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(248): View more from Michigan

You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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(248): You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open. http://tfl.nu/8umi

Replies (7) Good night (1655) Bad night (711)
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(614): View more from Ohio

TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG

(1-614): View more from Ohio

HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS

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(614): TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG (1-614): HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS http://tfl.nu/fp5t

Replies (10) Good night (1758) Bad night (901)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?

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(717): there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right? http://tfl.nu/jd9g

Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (398)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup

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(404): I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup http://tfl.nu/0bbz

Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (278)

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