Texts From Last Night

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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY

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  (260): I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY http://tfl.nu/3vks
  Replies (4) Good night (2085) Bad night (659)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.

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  (305): Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did. http://tfl.nu/lrh7
  Replies (10) Good night (673) Bad night (1452)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

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  (609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle
  Replies (37) Good night (731) Bad night (3565)
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  (415): View more from California

  JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP

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  (415): JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP http://tfl.nu/adca
  Replies (19) Good night (3968) Bad night (585)
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  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (952) Bad night (6318)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?

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  (361): At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now? http://tfl.nu/lbi5
  Replies (21) Good night (4474) Bad night (685)
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  (760): View more from California

  Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that

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  (760): Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that http://tfl.nu/izum
  Replies (75) Good night (986) Bad night (5815)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....

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  (303): Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic.... http://tfl.nu/nllq
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (3355)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?

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  (601): How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to? http://tfl.nu/gwpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2159) Bad night (820)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons

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  (862): Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons http://tfl.nu/m8s3
  Replies (11) Good night (2076) Bad night (623)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...

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  (301): well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train... http://tfl.nu/vvir
  Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I ate you ate to the whole david gray album

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  (631): I ate you ate to the whole david gray album http://tfl.nu/r321
  Replies (6) Good night (411) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.

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  (613): All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real. http://tfl.nu/5379
  Replies (10) Good night (2330) Bad night (378)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know

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  (908): We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know http://tfl.nu/8q22
  Replies (5) Good night (740) Bad night (284)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Is this a drinking picnic?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Is there another kind?

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  (231): Is this a drinking picnic? (701): Is there another kind? http://tfl.nu/hhhs
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (289)

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