I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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