Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize