I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
