and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
