Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
