She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
