is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
