I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
