Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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