so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
