My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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