Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
