Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
