she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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