Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
