when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
