Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize