I can text with my tongue
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
