He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Send help, water and tortillas.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
