i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
