YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ugly people sure do ruin things
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
