nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
