In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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