My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this boner is exhausting
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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