Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
