Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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