I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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