I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
