maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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