I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
