you would pick up someone in the library
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
